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Today’s the day. After 6 months of anticipation, after a scare when it looked like it might not happen, the greatest day of the fall is finally here. Fantasy draft day. Yes, I am one of those people who cares way too much about my fantasy team. I’m the guy who’ll shit-talk even when losing. I’m even the guy who’ll argue about fantasy draft stuff in public occasionally. I’m the guy who checks the pool for comments 5 times a day. Let’s NBA!

So the nitty gritty: The league James and I are in is a keeper league, and I’ve decided to invite you into the D-Leeguers war room. Last year the D-Leeguers finished 3rd, 2 points out of 2nd place. This year, we have 8 returning guys and a draft to prepare for. My core 8, my team, my champions are: LaMarcus Aldridge, Chauncey Billups, David Lee, Steve Nash, Derrick Rose, Brandon Roy, Luis Scola, and Charlie Villanueva. It’s a rotisserie pool, 11 teams, 8 categories. FG%, FT%, 3PTM, PTS, REB, AST, ST, BLK. Clearly I have some holes on my roster. I’m stacked at guard and did very well in all categories last year save rebounds steals and blocks. Those 3 shortcomings are what kept me from the title. So my weakness is mostly up front. Currently it’s 1:30 on draft day, let’s see what we have to do:

(Here’s what our league looked like at the time.)

1:30- I need a big man. Blatantly. Badly. I need rebounds more specifically. But with 6th and 9th picks in the first round of a keeper pool my options are somewhat limited. I need to decide whether to pick for needs or on talent available. The theoretical options I have are Blake Griffin (ya right), Shaq, Boozer, Brand. Or the most talented guy available also has options. Guys like Tayshaun Prince, Allen Iverson, John Salmons. I also like Tyson Chandler, Anderson Varejao and Roy Hibbert, but those guys should still be available later on in the draft (Ed.: Chander, Varejao? Wagman is completely insane). Unfortunately my lack of a 2nd round pick may come back to haunt me. However thankfully I have 2 first round picks. In fact, considering the depth of talent available I’m going to go explore the possibility of trading one of my first round picks for two second round picks….

1:40- I posted what I want/need on the forum and entered into negotiations with James. My initial pie in the sky offer was refused (that inconsiderate prick. Move bitch, get out the way!), however I came back with a fair offer, my first round pick for his extra 2nd round pick and his 3rd round pick. Now the waiting game.

1:42- James rejected my offer and came back with a much worse one (his 5th round pick). I have to decide whether my extra 1st round pick is worth an early 2nd round pick and a 4th round pick. It’s tough. My holes in the 2nd and 4th round are glaring at me. But. No. Its not a hole in the 2nd round, it’s an early pick. And if I have to sit between 31st and 53, so be it.

1:45- James is looking at making a player trade now. The problem, he doesn’t have a lot of guys I want. I taunt him about it until he tosses out the name Josh Smith. Now my ears are pinned back. I offer Aldrige, my 9th overall pick for Smith, his later 2nd round pick and a 5th round pick. James’s response: “Hmmmm.”

1:47- Have I mentioned before that I’m not a patient man? No? Well, I’m not a patient man.

1:48- James isn’t convinced. I apply butter in excessive, potentially unhealthy amounts. Do not attempt at home, kids.

1:50- James inquires about the availability of Rose. I gently let him down

1:53- James is persisting on this Rose thing. He’s trying to convince me how I won’t get anything better than Josh Smith for Rose, despite the love affair a few GMs in our league have with him. I know he’s full of shit, he knows he’s full of shit, yet we still have to do this dance

(Ed.: I wasn’t aware that someone in the pool would think Rose was better than Amar’e.)

2:00- Now we’re getting desperate. I just offered Aldridge and Rose for Iguodala and Smith. With picks thrown in as well. James refuses pretty much right away. And by pretty much, I mean as soon as I hit enter on MSN.

(Ed.: Iguodala is pretty good.)

2:02- Now I’m going for the home run. The talks don’t seem to be going anywhere so I may as well go for the big prize here. Rose/Aldridge, the 6th overall pick, for Kevin Durant the 18th and 40th pick.

2:04- I still don’t know whether to send that offer

2:05- Still sitting here

2:06- Help? Where are my advisors god damn it. I need a pizza.

2:07- Fuck it. I’m going for it. I want KD

2:08- I hate waiting. I also want KD. And a pizza. Mmmmmm, Kraft Dinner.

2:08- “Jesus. No”

Ed.: No-one’s getting Durant from me.

2:09- So ends that negotiation. What have we learned? I value Rose to high and Smith too low, and James values Kevin Durant a WEEEE bit too much. Or that James is a giant pussy. One of the 2.

(Ed.: There’s no such thing as valuing Kevin Durant too much. )

2:14- So now I’m back to where I was, trying to improve through the draft. I still have the 6th and 9th overall picks and I’m targeting Boozer. However should someone drop to me somehow, I’d have to consider that so I don’t know exactly what I’m going to do. Ideally though, I want 2 of these 8 guys after the first round: Blake Griffin, Carlos Boozer, Elton Brand, Shaq, Chris Duhon, Joakim Noah or Allen Iverson. Fortunately, since I have the 9th pick, the odds of this are pretty good. I guess this whole update goes into the “You don’t say Dr.” category of useless information. Then again, if you’re reading someone else’s running diary of fantasy draft prep-work, it’s fair to say useless information is your bag, baby (Ed.: Author is referencing a movie that came out when he was 12.). Either way, 8 hours till the draft and a Champions League game about to start. So unless I get some other offers, I’ll be back to this in a few hours.

3:15- Seeing as this is a random article, it’s time for a random rant. This Champions League game I’m watching is Liverpool vs. Lyon, but it may as well be the Toronto FC crowd vs. itself. Why is it that a city with as many intelligent and creative soccer fans as Toronto CANNOT come up with an original song? Every chant either group of fans have done thus far (and it’s the 32nd minute right now) is also a TFC chant. While on the one hand I enjoy the chants, on the other it makes me feel like I’m cheering for some rinkydink operation. I know borrowing chants is very common amongst soccer supporters, but was it REALLY necessary to take so many from one place? TFC may be The Reds, but that doesn’t mean that BMO is Anfield, or that the south end is the Kop. A little originality, people. Please. Not that the crap MLSE puts on the pitch truly deserves the effort, especially after that debacle on Saturday in New York, but still. We can do ourselves proud at least. On the same tangent: A bit more of this at the ACC! Last years games with the Red Patch Boys were the most fun I’ve had at basketball games! So my message to everyone: Get drunk and sing at basketball games. Just do it. Trust me. You’ll have fun. Ask James, he’s kind of a convert (Ed.: not exactly).

5:10- Just received an offer. Marvin Williams or Sam Dalembert and a 4th round pick for the Number 6 spot. Thanks for wasting my time asshole. (Side note: This guy kept Dalembert and Williams but dropped Roy Hibbert, Kirk Hinrich and Ramon Sessions. In a keeper league. I can’t tell you how happy this makes me as someone who wants Hibbert. However as a competitor, well it makes me feel like I won the Bronze in the Special Olympics last year). I asked him for Amar’e instead. We’ll see how that goes. I’d be laughing, but, well, he kept Dalembert and Williams over Hibbert, Hinrich and Sessions.

(Ed.: Marvin Williams is a damn fine player.)

5:40- Just checked with James to see whether or not the guy mentioned above will be reading this. James’s response: “we’re pimping outsidethenba.com to everyone” (It’s a great site! Tell your friends!). Ah well. I imagine within a few hours I’ll have mocked pretty well everyone involved in this draft, myself included. So my challenge to anyone who is a part of this draft reading this and not liking what they see is simple: Prove me wrong. Biatches.

5:45- That got me into trash talk mode. Gotta prep for this. Step 1: Hit Em Up. Step 2: repeat step 1. Step 3: A hot offense beats a cold defense.

5:50- I ain’t drafting, I’m bringing drama. Fuck you and yo mother fucking mama.

5:55- Why don’t they have intro music for draft picks? “Next on the clock, Eric Wagman” Everyday I’m hustling, everyday I’m hustling… Crap. Now I’m going to spend the whole draft thinking about what intro song my next round pick would get. Side question, if drafting Shaq with a pick, would going with King Kong be crossing some kind of line?

6:00- I’ve decided that in the unlikely event I do NOT win this pool, I’m blaming this diary since it clearly distracted me. So thanks to you, the reader. I appreciate it. No. Really. (Side note: That does not mean that when I win you get a share of the winnings. Just be grateful you were along for the ride and got to experience this kind of true greatness up close and personal. Hey! Trash talk warmin’ up!)

6:01- 4.5 hours to the draft. Maybe I’m peaking too soon. I’ma step back for a bit, I’ll holla at ya’ll a lil later. Ya I’m white! The whistles go WOOOOO

6:50- Got a response to the Amar’e question. Surprisingly enough it was a rousing no. Possibly even a feisty, borderline insulted no. I say this is a win all around. This pool wasn’t nearly chippy enough last year. Also just realized I’m over 1500 words and we’re still 3.5 hours away from the draft. Oh you lucky reader you.

7:10- Amar’e was just put on the table to the league to start a bidding war. I need Amar’e. Offered my 6th overall pick plus Aldridge for Amar’e and his 2nd rounder. I’m doubtful Sklar accepts, I just hope we have time to negotiate. If someone else picks him up, I’m in Barney.

7:11- I just bid against myself out of fear. Always something you want to do in any general managers role. All because James said he already sent him a text. He didn’t even say what the content of the text was. Whatever, I only changed his 2nd round pick to a 3rd. With Amare, I’m happy enough not having a 2nd round pick. I still have my late first round available, and then I’d have two in the third round. Have I mentioned I’m not a patient man?

7:25- The double dagger. Not only am I behind in the bidding (the guy already made someone a counter proposal), but the counter proposal was to JAMES (which is how I know about it). I can’t lose Amar’e to James! I can’t! On the plus side, Sklar’s responding to me now. I can’t breathe. And now I’m so nervous I’m acting like the girl desperate to get fucked after the party by anyone anyhow. Not a good look for anyone. Unless you’re a hot girl. Not only am I not hot, I’m not a girl. Bad times.

7:28- James and I are both negotiating with this guy at the same time.

7:33- Sklar is smart. He’s playing us off each other. Well, I’ve gone as low as I can go in this. If I don’t get Amar’e, it’s not the end of the world. I’m not going to sacrifice my team for it. Current offer on the table is Amar’e and two 4th round picks for Rose and the 6th overall pick

7:36- He just told me to wait, he’s on the phone with James. (Ed.: He lied. We only texted.) I haven’t been this excited in years. Currently looking at 9th overall and Rose for Amar’e, a 4th and a 6th round pick. I see spots right now. Is this what a stroke feels like?

7:43- He’s trying to play hardball with me right now to drop the later round picks entirely. I’m not budging on that. I need the picks.

7:47- Sklar just offered Rip in place of the draft picks, I thought about it for a second and I accepted. I am now the proud owner of Amar’e and Rip Hamilton. I feel like I just won a booby prize though. I dropped Rip last year (traded for Posey. I was NOT high on him) after he spent 2.5 months actually costing me points by playing him. Of course, this was RIGHT before AI’s back injury and Rips rejuvenation. I think he had five 30 point games in a row within a week of me trading him. I spent an entire Pistons/Raptors games last year showing Rip my Bobby Knight impression shortly after that. He had like 27-10 that game. I’m just going to pretend that didn’t happen, can we all agree to that? I never had Rip Hamilton on my fantasy team last year. He never was cold all year and heated up RIGHT after I traded him (despite the fact he was never on my team). He didn’t torch the Raptors as I cursed his every move. None of it happened. He was on vacation. Where was I? Oh ya, my roster now: Chauncey, Nash, Aldridge, Lee, Amar’e, Rip, Roy, Scola, and Charlie V. And I still have a 6th overall pick. Watch out league.

(Ed.: Wagman broke the No Pistons Rule. That team’s got 4 legitimate options at in the backcourt – Gordon, Hamilton, Stuckey, and Bynum. How the hell do we know who’s putting up stats? Will ANY OF THEM put up stats?)

7:50- I’m way too proud of myself. Last year near the deadline I traded Bosh for Berko’s first round pick (6th overall in the end), Charlie V and Derrick Rose. I’ve now turned Bosh into moving up 3 draft spots, Charlie V, Amar’e Staudemire and Rip Hamilton. I am the voice of my own god.

8:00- I just realized that now I have Amar’e and Rip. This changes my draft strategy to taking the best guy available. I’d still like Boozer just for insurance purposes, but basically I’m going with the best guy there.

8:10- Now I feel bad for James. Wait. This is fantasy basketball! No prisoners, NO MERCY!!! Your move PBS News.

(Ed.: I’ll be fine.)

8:15- I have the mental image of Sklar reading this and getting angrier and angrier. It’s making me smile. Hey, it was a fair deal all around. He needed picks, I needed size. Any trade when both sides can walk away feeling like they won is a good trade. It’s probably not a great sign I’m still trying to talk myself into this though. I don’t think I’ll relax about this till I see who’s available 9th.

8:18- The 2nd overall pick was just made available. Do I want it *thinking, thinking, thinking* I do. But I don’t want to pay for it. Too bad you can’t rob guys for picks like a liquor store. I’d totally break out my fake handgun and bandana for that. I mean, what fake handgun.

8:21- Sklar’s response, copied and pasted:
You can have any combo of players and picks if you want it for the 2, but limited to one first round pick
Marvin Williams
Samuel Dalembert
Josh Howard
Manu Ginobili
Two 4th round picks
Two 6 round picks
One first round pick (3, 9)

My response if I’m the guy trying to trade 2nd overall? Something like this.

8:25- Side note for those scoring at home: My mom is having a women’s group meeting downstairs (yes. I live with my parents still. Wasn’t having a blog the first clue?). The National Council of Jewish Women. Basically, they have coffee/tea/cake and they bitch. A lot. In high pitched voices. So I can’t go downstairs. Not only that but neither can my dog, who had his right eye removed yesterday. I’m not even kidding. I’m running this draft with a one eyed dog on my lap, a bottle of water to drink and the sound of annoying middle aged Jewish women’s piercing voices ringing in my head. Good times had by all. So dear reader if you think YOU suffered to get this far, au contraire. (Yes, I’m aware we’re well over 2500 words. I don’t have a word count, suckers!)

8:35- My dirty little secret this draft; I need Casspi. No-ones going to take him. He’s going to be my last pick. And I will rate my draft a success just for him and Amar’e. No-one would steal him from me because nobody would want him or think anyone else would want him. Except James. Who knows I have a hard-on for Casspi the size of the West Bank. My hard-on for Casspi makes Mark Stein look like Barrack Obama. On the plus side, it’s not like I just stole a blockbuster trade that James was trying to make out from under him. Oops! Did I do that? Haha. Well, he’ll be happier with Bargnani.

(Ed.: It was Bargnani and what turned out to be Elton Brand.)

8:52- WOW. So person who wanted to trade the 2nd overall pick turned out to be Julian (my soon to be colleague on outsidethenba.com (tell your friends!). Jules (I hope he doesn’t mind if I call him Jules. I had one friend named Julian, and his nickname was Jules, so he’s kinda stuck) accepted the trade for Manu Ginobli and Josh Howard. Not a terrible move, depending on his draft pick situation. I guess I should have checked the players closer before reacting as I did. Meh. Thinking is overrated. Thinking is like all work skills; unless I’m getting paid to do it, I ain’t doing it. It’s the (North) American way! Either way, lots of action so far. We’ve seen 2 first round picks change hands already, and the draft is still an hour and a half away. My hunch: we’re done with the blockbusters, but we’ll see a lot of smaller trades as the hour draws nearer. Incidentally, it was Sklar who picked up the 2nd overall pick. I get what he’s trying to do here, but building keepers from the 1st round isn’t going to work. Remember, theoretically the top 88 NBA players are already taken (not exactly, some people just decided to drop Boozer). We’re starting this draft at 89. Rookies notwithstanding. So far, he’s traded 4 keepers for 2 picks. He wasn’t kidding when he told me he was in rebuilding mode. Yeesh. Can’t wait to see his roster post draft.

9:30- Have I mentioned I’m not a patient man? Lets do this thing! (Side note: The women’s group finally broke up for the day. One the one hand, this is awesome. On the other: they were providing some SERIOUS entertainment. Man, women are some crazy bitches. To any and all young women reading this: please don’t grow up like your mothers. Signed, men everywhere)

10:15- Sklar traded for ANOTHER first round draft pick, this time he gave up Marvin Williams and a 4th round pick. Can’t say I fault him. Someone gave up 11th overall for that though. Not quite sure I get his motives for this. But Sklar now has 4 or 5 first round picks. Too bad it’s not the first year of the league, haha. 15 minutes. The anticipation builds…

10:35- The draft started with a flurry. Blake Griffin went first overall to the surprise of no-one, then it got interesting fast; JR Smith, Mario Chalmers and Gerald Wallace in that order. That insanity was followed by Kevin Love (a great pick) which meant the guy I had my eye on (Boozer) dropped to me at 6th. Which James said would never happen. James, angry, took Brand 7th. Tyrus Thomas went 8th, Tyreke Evans went 9th and John Salmons 10th. I would have taken Salmons 9th had I had that pick. One more to round out the first round then I’m just going to comment as it comes. I’m just glad the draft shook out basically the way I figured. I’m comfortable with Rip instead of John Salmons. And I got Boozer anyways. This keeps getting better and better.

10:40- Some in-draft trades are causing problems. Because of the lateness and suddenness of these deals, people are having to draft for other people. Which should be simple. But this is the Special Olympics, remember? There’s a borderline fist fight going on. Impressive considering it’s an online draft. The last pick of the first round finally comes in and whoever it was took Jonny Flynn. Rasheed Wallace goes first in the 2nd round, which answers the question: who is most confident KG is done. First pick of the second round seems pretty confident.

10:41- White and Sklar are PISSED with each other over this swapped pick fuck up. White should have picked in my former 9th spot, and was taking Salmons. But Sklar fucked up and took Evans, dropping Salmons to another unrelated person. I suggested they roshambo, no-one seemed into that problem-solving method. Ah well. In the meantime I’ve missed a few picks. None were really great except for Berko grabbing Courtney Lee 6th in the 2nd round. No-one on my list is gone yet! Wooooo.

10:45- 9 picks till my next turn. I’m eye-fucking the shit out of Ron Artest, Chris Duhon, Shaq, Joakim Noah and Allen Iverson.

10:46- FUCK! Julian stole Hibbert. James and I are freaking out, no-one else in the pool cares. So I guess either outsidethenba.com knows its shit, or we are all full of shit. (Outsidethenba.com! Tell your friends!)

10:50- Now Iverson’s off the board! And Marc Gasol and Sessions! This is getting painful. Me and my big mouth.

10:52- I’m on the clock. I feel like a fat guy at a buffet. Ron-Ron? Shaq Daddy? Duhon?

10:54- Went with Shaq as the whole pool collectively remembered he was alive and congratulated me for my awesome pick. Always a good feeling. Till you remember the Special Olympics thing.

11:15- History lesson: Last round last year, James picks Grant Hill (my guy) RIGHT before me in the last round. This year, James takes Hill 2 spots before me. I’m reeling right now. The guy after James makes his pick instantly and I’m stunned. I don’t know what to do. I’m swearing at James and seeing blank spots until I notice that 1) I am on the clock, and 2) I have 40 seconds. I narrow it down to two guys who I want with 10 seconds left, then lose them on the screen. Which leads to me timing out and getting assigned Randy motherfucking Foye.

11:22- The draft is winding down. Thanks to my Foye pick, I’m basically a player short. However my team is STACKED. So I’m doing it. Last round, I’m taking Casspi and Darko. Fuck it. Fuck it all. I still have the best team, this is my victory lap.

11:30- Done and done. A controversial draft, but at the end of the day it’s all good. As soon as I’m able to, I’m dropping Foye and adding Afflalo or Jarret Jack, but for right now my roster looks pretty good. In fact, I just dropped that ass like a bad habit. Welcome to the team Jack!

(Ed.: All three of those guys are backup guards. Who cares?)

And now, ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the court: He Said Casspi! Amar’e, Roy, Nash, Billups, Aldridge, Lee, Rip, Charlie V., Scola, Boozer, Shaq, Nocioni, Jack, Jrue Holiday, Darko, Casspi.

11:50- I can’t believe for the life of me the quality of team that has been assembled here. Now the not so fun part; scouting. Julian and James both scare the bejesus out of me with their basketball knowledge. Emmett and Ocho Cincos (Jamie) looked good too from what I saw in the draft. Now to actually see the whole thing on paper.

11:55- Jamie’s team looks good. Emmetts wasn’t anything too intimidating. James’ doesn’t scare me, but Berko/Barnes team scares the hell out of me. What a line-up in a keeper pool. If anyone’s beating me this year, it’s them (Ed.: They’re scarier down the road than they are now). Some highlights; Melo, Bosh, Nene, Andrew Bynum, Anthony Randolph, Courtney Lee, Sessions, Al Thornton, Tyson Chandler, Brandon Jennings. Yikes. Julian’s isn’t really aweing me either.

(Here are the draft results for your perusal.)

12:45- James: “There’s no way you can justify keeping Nocioni and Casspi but not Foye”
Eric: “Talk to me in 3 weeks”
James: “Please put this exchange in your draft diary”. Happy to oblige.

2:00- I dropped Nocioni for Afflalo after an hour and 15 minutes of far too much research. The lesson, as always, I’m a weak-minded fool. I can’t believe I let James in my head like that. He let himself in, walked around, made himself a sandwich and dropped Nocioni.

So at the end of the day, I love my team. Love it. 1 through 10 I have the best team in the league, with one (Ed.: just one?) potential challenger. And my bench is filled with young guys who I’m feeling a breakout season from. Will it end up working as I planned tonight? Probably not. Now comes the fun part. This whole fantasy thing is fun right? Has anyone ever really figured that out? Well, it will be when ‘He Said Casspi’ (Ed.: Yes, that’s his stupid team name. He’s got nothing on ‘James Mensah-Bonsu’) takes home the championship belt this year!

*If you are interested in further information on fantasy basketball, please consult your local basketball community. No animals were harmed in the writing of this diary. Well, unless White’s feelings count as an animal. And a warming: this will not be the last time you hear about this league. Consider yourself warned.